I have a hard time with Christmas because it's less than two weeks then to the anniversary of Daniel's death.
Since he died, the holidays have been a count down of sorts to the anniversary, although that has eased over the years. The holiday specials on television like A Christmas Carol are frequently too much for me to bear, so I turn them off or find a good mystery I can get lost in.
That does not mean, however, that I give up on the people who continue to live and love. This year Derek, my chosen son, is in from Colorado and we will meet him and his girlfriend for brunch today before they return home, and I can hardly wait. We are having Christmas Eve with our old grandsons David and Jonathan, and we'll spend Christmas Day with Shannon, Derek's sister. We'll be with our new grandkids, Alexa and Grayson, the following weekend, and with Bill, who is like a son - and Carter, his son - the next day. I focus myself in each moment, and I survive, as I have for the last 15 years, soon to be 16.
This year is a different challenge because my therapist, the woman who was going to take me to Florence and buy me a pair of leather slacks if I lost 100 pounds (a safe bet, hah!) also died - in early summer. I haven't replaced her because I have learned that people cannot be replaced: they are not interchangeable parts in the machinery of life. And I haven't found a new therapist yet because I haven't really looked for one.
I didn't intend for this entry to be such a downer. I am truly thankful for all our family - related and not - and our friends, and the people we know who provide a giant pillow of love, which is, as I think about it, the essence of Christmas. I'll get through it, land softly and savor the moments. It will be a good Christmas after all.
We all have problems, and each person's is the worst because it's his/hers. But we get through them because of the love of others.
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Christmas. Show all posts
Sunday, December 21, 2008
Friday, December 5, 2008
2008 Christmas Letter
Merry Christmas, Dear Friends!
In lieu of a Christmas letter, here’s a recap of our year:
January Bill breaks his ankle and makes a nest in the family room. Friends bring meals, walk dogs, visit - and haul his ass upstairs a couple of times a week for much needed showers. Ann waits on Bill with complete devotion and unflagging energy.
February More of the same, except Ann tires of the routine and spends time walking the dogs just to get out of the house. An estimate to turn the downstairs half bath into a bathroom with shower is outrageous and prohibitive. We decide to move from our split level to a flat house. When the housing market improves in, oh, thirty or forty years.
March The cast comes off. Bill spends hours at physical therapy. The weather breaks. Ann continues to walk dogs, glad not to be cooped up in the house with Bill. Bill uses a cane for everything but dancing.
April We get an Obama sign and put it in the front yard. The campaign lasts too long, but we support Illinois’ favorite son.
May Grandson David returns from his freshman year at Beloit College. He has survived and will return in the fall. We are glad to see that the boy who left for college returns a young man.
June Bill goes to Vermont to the Clockhouse Writers’ Conference for a week. Daughter Shannon gets a job in a western suburb and decides to sell her house in Homewood to avoid a three-hour round trip commute. We are sad.
July Ann goes with Bill to Centrum Writers’ Conference in Port Townsend, WA. She meets his west coast friends and sight sees. On a whale watching excursion Ann loses several pounds in the rough seas, but she sees a pod of humpback whales.
August Grandsons’ dad Tim gets married. Bill is Best Man. Ann is Mother of the Groom. She is beautiful, the bride is beautiful, the groom is beautiful, the wedding is beautiful, and the reception is beautiful. In his tux, Bill has Joan Crawford shoulders.
September It rains. With Travel Buddies Ted and Carol we drive to Spring Green, WI, where we take tours of Frank Lloyd Wright Stuff before returning to Homewood. Rains cancel Chicago architectural tours and trips to the Indiana Dunes, but we enjoy a leisurely liquid lunch at a local brewery.
October The presidential campaign is in full swing. We record television programs on the DVR and fast forward through the commercials, especially the political ones.
November Barack wins. Bill is downtown on election night. The energy of Chicago changes in a snap. People on the train are ebullient, a word we don’t get to use very often.
We have much to be thankful for. We participate in the Free Hugs Campaign in front of the Art Institute the day before Thanksgiving. And on Thanksgiving we go to friend Theresa’s for a wonderful dinner.
December The first snow falls on December 1, and the dogs go wild with joy. We bake cookies with grandchildren, one of our few touches of Americana. It’s cold, and the flamingo in the front yard wears a fuzzy red scarf, another touch - of something. . .
Merry Christmas!
Happy Chanukah!
And a Happy, Prosperous, Healthy New Year!
In lieu of a Christmas letter, here’s a recap of our year:
January Bill breaks his ankle and makes a nest in the family room. Friends bring meals, walk dogs, visit - and haul his ass upstairs a couple of times a week for much needed showers. Ann waits on Bill with complete devotion and unflagging energy.
February More of the same, except Ann tires of the routine and spends time walking the dogs just to get out of the house. An estimate to turn the downstairs half bath into a bathroom with shower is outrageous and prohibitive. We decide to move from our split level to a flat house. When the housing market improves in, oh, thirty or forty years.
March The cast comes off. Bill spends hours at physical therapy. The weather breaks. Ann continues to walk dogs, glad not to be cooped up in the house with Bill. Bill uses a cane for everything but dancing.
April We get an Obama sign and put it in the front yard. The campaign lasts too long, but we support Illinois’ favorite son.
May Grandson David returns from his freshman year at Beloit College. He has survived and will return in the fall. We are glad to see that the boy who left for college returns a young man.
June Bill goes to Vermont to the Clockhouse Writers’ Conference for a week. Daughter Shannon gets a job in a western suburb and decides to sell her house in Homewood to avoid a three-hour round trip commute. We are sad.
July Ann goes with Bill to Centrum Writers’ Conference in Port Townsend, WA. She meets his west coast friends and sight sees. On a whale watching excursion Ann loses several pounds in the rough seas, but she sees a pod of humpback whales.
August Grandsons’ dad Tim gets married. Bill is Best Man. Ann is Mother of the Groom. She is beautiful, the bride is beautiful, the groom is beautiful, the wedding is beautiful, and the reception is beautiful. In his tux, Bill has Joan Crawford shoulders.
September It rains. With Travel Buddies Ted and Carol we drive to Spring Green, WI, where we take tours of Frank Lloyd Wright Stuff before returning to Homewood. Rains cancel Chicago architectural tours and trips to the Indiana Dunes, but we enjoy a leisurely liquid lunch at a local brewery.
October The presidential campaign is in full swing. We record television programs on the DVR and fast forward through the commercials, especially the political ones.
November Barack wins. Bill is downtown on election night. The energy of Chicago changes in a snap. People on the train are ebullient, a word we don’t get to use very often.
We have much to be thankful for. We participate in the Free Hugs Campaign in front of the Art Institute the day before Thanksgiving. And on Thanksgiving we go to friend Theresa’s for a wonderful dinner.
December The first snow falls on December 1, and the dogs go wild with joy. We bake cookies with grandchildren, one of our few touches of Americana. It’s cold, and the flamingo in the front yard wears a fuzzy red scarf, another touch - of something. . .
Merry Christmas!
Happy Chanukah!
And a Happy, Prosperous, Healthy New Year!
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