Organ Recitals

I don’t watch much television advertising. That isn’t to say I don’t watch television. Like most Americans, I probably (probably nothing!) watch too much.

And like many people in this land of too much plenty, we have a DVR that I’ve learned to use. It’s easier than a video recorder, but I learned to use one of those too.

The advantage of the DVR is that it records programs - we have the capability to record two at the same time. And we can watch something completely different while two other programs are recording. That may not sound like an advantage, but I generally fast forward through commercials. Sometimes, we start watching a program 15 or 20 minutes late so we zoom through commercials and end up watching the last few minutes in real time.

Occasionally we get “caught up” with our viewing and watch entire programs in “real time” and read through the commercials. I get irritated when my wife reacts to a commercial and interrupts my reading, just as I irritate her when I do the same. But we don’t have a don’t-bother-me policy. We keep communication open.

And so I was surprised to notice recently how many commercials are organ recitals. I don’t mean E. Power Biggs playing Bach fugues. Not that kind of organ recital. No, I mean discussions of medical problems.

The amount of drug advertising on television is astounding, and somehow it has crept up on me. And this is the political season. I can’t imagine what it will be like after the election.

I have watched huge numbers of men with ED, something I don’t particularly want to know about them. I was appalled when Bob Dole started hawking - in a most presidential loser kind of way- Viagra, and I continue to feel uncomfortable about men - actors, I hope - who talk about not being able to achieve manhood.

I am just as uncomfortable with women who can’t stop peeing. The teacher who almost doesn’t make it to the faculty washroom at the end of the day, the pipe people who have trouble with their plumbing, all of them seem to be airing their dirty laundry in public, to coin an especially apt phrase. When I taught, if I couldn’t wait, I threatened my students and rushed to the loo and back as fast as I could. There was never a problem. I was probably very lucky that no one got stabbed, but I also knew which classes I could trust and which ones would tear the place up.

I don’t want to know who has a stent to any place in his/her body. Or who has heart problems. Or who found cures at Cancer Treatment Center A or Nationally Recognized Hospital B. If they have to advertise, they’re jacking up their prices, something insurance companies pass on to me (to the tune of just under $15k per annum for my wife and me, and going up).

Other ads are for high blood pressure, rheumatoid arthritis, bariatric surgery, high cholesterol, diabetes, and teeth whitening, all diseases or complaints I want to talk to my internist or dentist about, not rely on advertising and drug companies to fill me in on.

Sometimes I think Americans have a fetish with bowel movements. There are mongo ads for nutritional supplements that encourage regular bowel habits. You can stir a tasteless (you can say that again!), odorless powder into any kind of liquid. You can eat yogurt with special active bacteria, something like gotothebiffy regularis I believe. You can even use a sugar free sweetener with a stool softener in the cookies you bake, the coffee you drink, or the lemonade you make.

Aaaaarrrrgggggghhhhh. What is it with us and our poop?

Is there an answer? Is there even a problem? I suspect that I just have to read more and fast forward through the commercials. That should take care of it.

As always I invite your comments. And in the previous blog I explained how to post them.