The Death of Funeral Processions

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Former U. S. House of Representatives Tip O’Neill used to say that all politics are local. And of course, he was right. In Illinois, while the legislature is – still! – playing ‘mine is bigger,’ while our Governor and Speaker bicker, not much happens. No one is solving the problems of the state, major or minor. (On the other hand, that may be a good thing considering the state of the state and the fact that every solution creates ten more problems.)

Consider the multiple layers of unnecessary government in the state. Citizens of Illinois do not need township government in addition to town, city or village, county, region, and state governments – as well as sewer districts, water districts, school districts, fire districts, library districts, junior college districts. All of them need money to function, our tax dollars. Many of them are worthy, but we could eliminate or consolidate them and save ourselves considerable opportunities for graft – as well as some of our hard earned shekels.

In the meantime, schools remain unfunded for the coming year because we lack a state budget. This lack will cost us more in the long run as school districts borrow money to continue operations and then pay interest on it.

Locally, Cook County President Todd Stroger calls for a TWO percent rise in the sales tax in Cook County to pay for his nepotism, incompetence, and inability to follow through on his campaign promises. Perhaps now that he has our attention, he’ll settle for a half a percent, almost balance his budget, and we’ll all live happily ever after.

And problems remain. And most of the problems are increasingly local. One of the problems I encountered (here I go, my Andy Rooney mode) this week was an old rural custom that needs to be adapted to Twenty-First Century urban life, the funeral procession.

Funeral processions have long been part of grieving, part of showing respect for the dead and the survivors. In the Nineteenth Century ministers conducted funeral services in people’s homes. Often houses had large, removable front windows the coffin could be carried through if the door were not wide enough. The hearse, drawn by magnificent black geldings with black plumes, moved in stately procession from the house to the cemetery, with mourners in black walking behind. After a committal [to the earth] service, pall bearers lowered the coffin into the grave and the mourners dropped clods of soil on it. This signified the passage from life into death, and gave concrete symbolism to the mourners that it was time to move on. Some people moved on better than others, of course. Abraham Lincoln had his son disinterred so he could see him and hold him again.

In the Twentieth Century we sanitized death, a tradition carried into the Twenty-First. This may make it easier to erase the lives of the deceased for those who were mere acquaintances, but probably makes it harder for the truly near and dear. We use make up to make the bodies look “natural” as they “sleep” in their coffins, complete with innerspring mattresses. Special hair dressers design new coiffures for them. They wear their glasses in the coffin, even though most people take off their glasses to sleep. We hold funerals at special funeral homes where floral scents blight the air and melancholy mood music plays softly in the background. At the cemetery the coffin rests above the grave – we never see it lowered.

Yet we persist in allowing the tradition of the funeral procession no matter what common sense tells us.

As I was running errands this week, a funeral procession far longer than most freight trains, turned on to the four lane, somewhat restricted access highway where I was driving. Like the Energizer Bunny, it kept coming and coming, stopping traffic as it ran many cycles of stop lights, confusing drivers who were about to turn or ready to cross the intersection when the light turned green.

As the procession continued, access to the highway increased in front of several strip malls. In the procession, several cars lagged, often up to a block and a half. The procession stayed in the passing lane through several intersections, violating red lights while other drivers slammed on their brakes and those several cars back honked, obviously wondering why no one moved when the light turned green.

Eventually, eight or ten cars at the end of the funeral procession formed their own sub-procession a couple of blocks behind the rest, leaving a huge gap. A light at a cross street turned green and a car pulled out. The driver of car at the front of the final group sped along, entitled to right of way and apparently oblivious to the car in the intersection. The procession driver finally slammed on his brakes and plowed towards the crossing vehicle, fishtailing over three lanes. The procession car missed the crossing one by no more than an inch. The crossing driver, no doubt shaken, got the hell out of there. She was in the wrong legally because the law that dates back many decades requires all drivers to give right of way to funeral processions.

This law allowing funeral processions, even ones with fluorescent stickers on windshields, needs revision. They are just not safe. Funeral processions are no longer appropriate in urban areas.

But nothing will happen until there is a terrible accident because our lawmakers are reactive rather than pro-active. And right now they’re having little (little is the operative word here) “sword” fights while they play ‘mine is bigger.’ The major problems in the state fall by the wayside.

And there’s no reason to suspect the minor ones will get any attention at all.